Getting ready for a wedding can be a stressful and difficult time to manage. Especially for many brides, this often means making decisions.
Investigation of the mental weight of marriage.
From her marriage to Pierre two years ago, Élisa saves her emotional memory. “Dinner, party, everything is successful!” He is enthusiastic. “Guests leave happy and us too.” A day to mark with white stones and that almost managed to make him forget a busy year of preparation.
“We have a limited budget and a series of obstacles,” said the 30-year-old, “we must have a wedding close to home because some parents, including grandmother, can not move, but they also attract babysitters for the children of guests who come from far away. “. A puzzle that Elisa has to face alone. Pierre “helped” him but never took the dimensions of the task within a year. Traditionally, taking care of everything is upstream, from the concept of the ceremony to its realization, often back to the spouses.
This almost exclusive treatment is based on the widespread belief that marriage is above all a “women’s affair”. Making a ceremony to play, the bride and groom take control and become the “princess of the day”. The role should have been a dream since childhood. On the other side of this gender spectrum, man has fulfilled his role by making his request. Convinced that someone did not expect anything else from him, he slowly separated from the marriage organization. “I feel it’s my turn to choose”
The weight of this traditional vision secretly includes all levels of society, even the most progressive ones. “I never dreamed of being a princess!” For H-day, I do not want a meringue dress or a piece of cabbage installed, said Maria, 29, married for a year at Djibril. I feel that it is my choice, which is waiting for me to have a clear vision of what I want. “
The woman is naturally “healthier” than her partner to handle everything, but she must also express her personality. Far from the codified ceremonies in the past, we expect originality today, poetry in marriage. The Astrid prerogative, 32, has been found pleasing before. “I know what I want, in terms of special decorations, the problem is that you can not spend time doing table runners, there are many other things that are less fun than you have to occupy,” recalls the young married women of the year. last.
Increase the tension Catering, choice of places, clothes, decorations, flowers: accumulated problems. “I made a list on Pinterest, a reminder on my phone, but as soon as I felt like I had done something, another task was added,” Maria said.
Poor, the latter did not find much support from Djibril. “He came for important appointments with service providers, such as catering or DJs, but he had only one word in his mouth: ‘budget’, but when we organized the ceremony, we immediately realized that everything was more expensive than expected, and I saw him keep the rope the wallet as if it were his choice to validate my choice when I did everything myself created a lot of tension in our relationship “.
In the same way that the daily management of weight causes tiredness of tired women who have to take care of everything, the marriage organization crystallizes the tension around the two poles: the excessive investment of the future bride responds to avoiding her partner. “This really communicates the ship,” Elisa complained, “the more I asked Pierre to do something and the more he kicked, he could not think of a few months before.”
Flippancy Djibril pushed Maria to the end. “Two months before the wedding, I was fooled, I was alone, one Saturday afternoon, in front of hundreds of sweets to put in small pots, I took Djibril between the four eyes and I told him that I could not bear anymore, that hold a funny event would have stuck we’re in these silly roles, I’m worried about others … “
A set-up that acts like an electric shock to her future husband: “He took the list and indicated some tasks that now fall on him Well, these are ‘masculine’ things like ordering wine and champagne, managing the assembly and the dismantling of tents with benefits.